


No Rest for the Weary

by synstruck



Series: this is our aftermath [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-04
Updated: 2014-02-04
Packaged: 2018-01-11 04:18:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1168583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/synstruck/pseuds/synstruck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You're tired.<br/>You feel like it's time they set you free.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No Rest for the Weary

You're tired.

You feel like it's time they set you free. The Survey Corps doesn't need you anymore. They have Ackerman with her incredible strength and skill, Arlert with his cunning and intellect... and they have Eren Yeager, the Hope of Humanity.

Why would they still need Corporal Levi, too?

But if they let you go now, what would you do? Where do you go?

You don't have a life outside the Corps.

No family to return home to.

No friends to go back to.

None alive, at least.

You're a little bitter, being the last one left standing from ten years ago. You never expected to last this long, and you never expected to outlive Erwin.

You don't want death, not really. You never did.

But you are weary.

You are weary and you are reminded of just how old you are every time Commander Arlert sets out plans for the next mission, every time people whisper about Corporal Ackerman's impeccable technique and incredible strength.

You see Squad Leader Kirstein by Arlert's side, the two quietly discussing plans and formations for an upcoming expedition, and it pains you when it reminds you of Mike standing by Erwin back then.

You were thankful for Arlert's stepping in after that incident five years ago, you don't have Erwin's silver tongue and you were not built to deal with the political shitstorm that would inevitably come after a mission that had failed so badly. You were weary enough as it is and if you had to deal with the greedy bureaucrats and rich conservative pigs you were sure that you would have snapped.

Arlert had reported the expedition honestly that day and still managed to smoothly convince the officials that the mission was not a complete bust, thankfully ensuring too that the funding for the Survey Corps didn't get cut.

You feel out of place.

You feel old compared the new group of ranking officers. Most are the ex-trainees from the 104th squad, and they were all roughly within the same age group, with only four years of age difference between the oldest and youngest of them.

Even though they were all grown men and women, all capable of handling themselves, you couldn't help but feel like you were babysitting a bunch of children due to the sheer age difference. It made you feel like an outsider, alienated.

You're tired.

You say as much to Eren one day, against your better judgement, when the two of you are in your office. You regret it the moment the off-hand comment crosses your lips, and you determinedly continue to stare out the window to avoid his gaze, completely aware that he's staring at you with uncertainty and concern etched upon his face.

You never give him a proper explanation.

He asks about you often, if you're feeling well, if you're doing alright. It unnerves you a little. You deflect, you answer sardonically, you snap at him if he fusses too much. He tries to ease the tension by making shit jokes, but truth be told he's completely crap at it. It's a little endearing, and you curl your lip in distaste at his sorry attempts at toilet humour, but you're not quite pacified.

You still dream.

You still wake at night to visions of blood and death and gravestone teeth and the blurry recollection of blue, blue eyes.

You still wake to the sense of failure and the feeling of being very, very lost.

It's been five years since then, and you still wake to nightmares of an expedition going very very wrong.

And you're tired.


End file.
